Growing Up in a Christian Home
I was raised in a Christian home. We attended church every Sunday and Wednesday, participated in youth camps and ski trips, and were taught the Bible from an early age. I went to First Baptist Academy for 7th and 8th grade, then Garland Christian Academy through 12th, graduating in 1984. I loved football and played as a lineman. My coach at First Baptist was Mark Hines, who now counsels at the same school where my oldest son Jason teaches and leads youth ministry.
My parents, Paul Edward Smith (now deceased) and Charlotte, were good parents who also struggled. My dad faced many of the same temptations that would later affect me. When they divorced, it deeply impacted our family. My siblings—Danny, Timmy, and Susie—and I processed the pain differently. Some acted out, some withdrew. It left us with wounds we didn’t understand at the time and challenged our view of faith and stability.
A Seed of Addiction
When I was 13, I discovered a stack of pornographic magazines in one of my dad’s rental properties. I wasn’t looking for them—they were just there. That exposure planted a seed that grew in silence and shame. It became a pattern I would carry into adulthood.
Marriage and Salvation
In 1987, I met Cindy on a church ski trip. We married later that year. I believed marriage would help me overcome my struggles. It didn’t. I brought the addiction with me.
In July 1988, I heard Romans 10:9:
“If you confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God has raised Him from the dead, you will be saved.”
That verse opened my eyes. I confessed Jesus as Lord and believed He died and rose again. I was saved. I finally understood grace.
Loss and Cancer
Years later, my father died at 56. It was difficult. But the harder blow came in 2012 when Cindy was diagnosed with aggressive breast cancer.
We prayed together every night. I trusted God with her life. He answered those prayers. The tumor shrank. The surgery was successful. She avoided chemo and completed radiation and follow-up treatment. Cindy was declared cancer-free.
Pride, Isolation, and Relapse
After experiencing God’s healing, I became prideful. I believed I could handle life on my own. I stopped depending on God daily and began isolating again. The old patterns returned. I fell back into pornography and secrecy. It escalated until I was also hiding financial problems and debt.
Breaking Point
In July 2023, I confessed everything to Cindy and my family: the addiction, the lies, the financial crisis. We filed for bankruptcy. I knew I needed help and began counseling.
A counselor pointed me to Re:generation—a Christ-centered recovery ministry. I was hesitant but knew I couldn’t continue alone.
Re:generation and Confession
On August 1, 2023, I walked into Re:gen. I introduced myself:
“Hi, I’m Ed. I struggle with pornography, hopelessness, and shame.”
Someone said, “You’re in the right place.” That was the first step toward freedom.
During Groundwork, I returned to Scripture. Psalm 119:105 reminded me:
“Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light to my path.”
Through the 12 steps, I admitted powerlessness, believed God could restore me, and surrendered control to Him. In Step 4, I wrote a moral inventory of my life. In Step 5, I confessed everything to my mentor. He listened without judgment. James 5:16 came alive:
“Confess your trespasses to one another, and pray for one another, that you may be healed.”
Cindy’s Salvation
That same week, during a Bible study at home, Cindy gave her life to Christ. We wept together. On July 28, 2024, our oldest son baptized both of us. It was a public step of obedience and a picture of redemption.
A New Legacy
God has restored our marriage. Cindy and I pray together and study Scripture regularly. Our three sons—Jason, Matthew, and Justin—have witnessed the change. Jason now teaches and leads youth at Grace Church. Justin is married to Mary, and they have a son named Vance.
I stay connected to my brothers from Re:gen Group 57. We encourage one another, share Scripture, and support each other in daily life. I also attend a weekly men’s Bible study, where we walk through Scripture and share what God is teaching us.
Ecclesiastes 4:9–10 reminds me:
“Two are better than one… If one falls, the other can lift him up.”
What I Believe
I believe in salvation by grace through faith.
“For by grace you have been saved through faith, and that not of yourselves; it is the gift of God, not of works, lest anyone should boast.” —Ephesians 2:8–9
I believe in the eternal security of the believer:
“I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish… no one will snatch them out of My hand.” —John 10:28
I believe in the pre-tribulation rapture and Christ’s imminent return.
An Invitation
If you’re caught in addiction, secrecy, or shame—know this:
God sees you. He hasn’t given up on you. There is a way out, and it begins with surrender.
“Come to Me, all you who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” —Matthew 11:28
Jesus has already made the way. You don’t have to fix yourself. Bring it to Him.
I was bound. Now I’m free—not because of willpower, but because of His power.
If He did it for me, He can do it for you.